Midnight calls.
I am bored as f*ck. Dammit. Nothing ive been doing these past weeks but eat, sleep, watch tv and surf the net.A friend called yesterday at around midnight or past. I wasnt going to answer it but i decided otherwise. Good thing, too. He wanted to end it. I blurted out, "You know better..". But now i realize, maybe he doesnt. Sad as it may seem, he was the one of those who taught me too keep on going. To live despite whatever i encounter. I thought he was stronger than that, stronger than suicide. I guess no one is. I cannot help but feel betrayed. He lied to me. He made me feel stupid about wanting to die and it turns out he feels the same way.
Yes i know, I am being selfish. I should know better. I should help him bla bla bla. The thing is, how can i help him if i cant help myself?
My pillow case was wet before i drifted off to strained sleep.
***
Sometimes id like to write everything i feel out of my system. I try but i quickly lose my words. Nevertheless, this has been one of my greatest joys on my darkest days. Sometimes i am even hesitant to do something to make me happy, for fear that if i finally become happy, i would lose one of the things i love dearly, one of the things that give me outmost hope. writing.
posted by isah @ 4:57 PM
7 Comments:
The first step is, just travel the road with him, and you'll see that along the way, both of you will be helping each other.
you see, thats what i thought, but the blind cant lead the blind. same goes with people like us.
we'll all get where we want to be. don't worry.
it's just that sometimes, all that we need is someone who can understand and feel the same pain we do.
i know we will, issa. Its just that the journey scares me. And zel, sometimes that thought is comforting but we need to get better too. we cant be like this forever. ayoko na eh.
yeah i know. ako rin eh. but our time will come. sooner or later, and by then, we are more than eager to live our lives as *normal* as we could.
labo ko.
perfectly understood, isah. ganyan din ako. :D
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