Wednesday, August 31, 2005

Ive loved you for the longest time.

Im not in my best mood. I thought everything was going great. I hate this feeling, I wished i never had to feel it again. I guess not all wishes come true. My doctor asked me half jokingly if after seventeen years i still think my parents would change. I laughed. But then i whispered to myself, i still hope so.
***
I do not believe in God. I have been born and raised a christian but i do not think i have ever had faith in religion. Going to mass and listening to those more-often-than-not corrupt priests even give me more reason to be skeptical. And no, the Da Vinci Code had nothing to do with this. Its just plain and simple-- I was taught to pray and worship, but i was never taught to believe. Not that faith could be taught, but, well, lets just say i just havent found it yet. I just find it stupid how people entrust themselves entirely to something they are not even sure of. But, that is what faith is. Maybe i just believe in the wrong things, like science and tv and books and you.
***

I want you so much, it hurts. I have said that far too many times. Im scared to death that after everything i might lose you, if i even ever had you. You dont know how much those looks, those smiles, a simple brush of your hand means to me.

posted by isah @ 3:41 PM